I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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