hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
