Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
