was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize