maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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