So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
