why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
