just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
