Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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