Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
