How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
