Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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