You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize