i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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