god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
