I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
soo... how was my night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
