You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
