Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize