found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
