who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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