So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
