can we get nightvision for the apartment?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
