it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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