Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize