glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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