she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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