i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize