absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
