Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
