Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize