i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
