i always forget guys have bellybuttons
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
