I hate your face
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
