i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
