Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
