I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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