I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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