now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
