She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
