; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
