Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
