i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
