We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
