There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
