are you so shy because you have an std?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
