Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
