All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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