So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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