Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
