oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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