Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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