I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's like heaven, but drunker
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
