Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
