What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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