before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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