I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
