i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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