when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
