What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
