i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
