I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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