I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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