just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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