My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The power of my boobs compel you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
