Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
