It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
